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Our Feeling Is A Sensor
We are created so flawlessly with this tool called “feeling” to evaluate our daily encounters and circumstances. Without feeling, we might as well be robots, and life would be meaningless. We would be walking around without emotions. There would be no fun, no challenge, and no growth. Everything would be just….tasteless.
Feelings and Mind & Body
We react to situations which create positive feelings such as love, joy and excitement; as well as negative feelings such as anger, jealousy, disappointment, guilt, fear, or worry. The thoughts created by one or combinations of feelings, and vice versa, generate the most complex algorithm in our brain that even the most sophisticated computer apps is not able to imitate. There are too many variables going on in our mind that produce different results for each one of us.
Most of us have heard that healthy and happy mind create healthy body, while chronic stress puts our health at risk. No wonder why two people taking the same foods, drinks, or vitamins unlikely obtain the same results. Not only what we eat and drink, and how we exercise, but our cycle of feelings and thoughts are by far one of the most influencing factors to our health.
Feelings as a Sensor or Cues
How do we create healthy and happy mind? The mind that heals and keeps our immune system strong? What about using feeling as our sensor or cues, and “happiness” as the set point?
To do this, first we need to practice awareness – how we feel during our daily encounters. This means when we feel upset or sad, we shouldn’t run away from the problem by burying ourselves in our work, blame it on the past, or self-medicate with alcohol or drugs. Instead, use our feeling as a sensor or cues what attitude adjustment is needed for us to get back to feeling happy. We may have to learn to let go or forgive, accept the unchangeable, practice patience and humility, learn to give respect, or other virtues. Each time we are able to let go and/or adjust our attitude, we are one step away closer to the set point of “happiness”.
Practice Makes Perfect
This process is not an easy task at first. We have to be willing to adjust our perspective and mindset; and stop blaming others, the past, or situations for any negative feelings. While the adjustment process can be difficult and lengthy initially, it becomes our second nature eventually.
Soon enough we find previously annoying people or circumstances become less so, and negativity or judgement disappears. We find that we become calmer. Nothing really bothers us for more than a minute, because our control system (brain and awareness) is trained skillfully to adjust our attitude as our sensor (feeling) is a little off from the set point (happiness). At that point, we have achieved sustainable happiness. The type of happiness that comes from within.
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Giving Respect
We often hear the word respect when we grow up. Our parents reminded us that we have to respect our teachers and older generations. Many also use this word as a demand, like “I am the boss! They must respect me!”.
The word respect is most used and understood by many when they feel deep admiration of someone because of his/her abilities, qualities, or achievements.
There is nothing wrong, and it is easy to respect others who have success stories. But what about everyone else who is still growing and finding their way in the society?
The most important aspect of respect is often forgotten, or less instilled in our culture. That is, giving respect to others regardless of their status and traditions; to those who choose different schools, degrees, professions and come from different background.
The lacking of this type of respect is one of the reasons there are so many relationship problems at work and at home.
At workplace, we often hear comment like: “those people from the other departments don’t know what they are doing!”. Many also feel that certain jobs are not as important as their own job. Lack of respect for each other create stress at workplace, not to mention lost of productivity!
At home, it is easy to criticize or disrespect your family members who do or like something different from you. In addition, the lack of respect often lingers between two generations who have different views due to generation gap.
Give Respect, Earn Respect
Giving respect is an act of acceptance; it comes from our thoughtfulness for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others, no matter who they are, what they have, or where they come from. Equally important, giving respect allows us to see and appreciate others’ gifts, talents, abilities and contributions. It is no surprise that successful leaders who give respect to each of the team member are able to utilize each individual’s talent(s) to the fullest, build a strong teamwork, and in return, earn full respect and loyalty from the entire team.
Give Respect, Less Judgement
Our nature often judges instead of respecting others because of their differences. The good news is, we can practice and consciously make an effort to look at others’ differences as something to respect. When we choose to give respect and treat each person as unique and special individual, we find that there is less judgement in our relationships.
This kind of respect in fact uncovers one of the secrets of happy, healthy, and lasting relationships. Giving respect to others no matter their achievement status is the most considerate and loving gesture we can give.
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Compare Yourself….
Look around at nature around us. The trees are working their best strengthening their roots and core, standing tall and strong with their luscious leaves. They do their part improving air quality; protecting animals from the heat; and helping reduce storm water run-off.
They don’t compare themselves to the mountains, which provide different weather pattern, as well as food and water supply. Nor they compare themselves to the lakes, which provide habitat to wildlife and other important ecosystem services. They all work together providing many benefits to the environments, animals and humans. Not to mention the astonishing beauty they create!
It is easy with the age of social media to compare ourselves to others. Everyone looks great, polished and happy. You may wonder why you are not as beautiful or as talented as everyone on the social media. You may feel that you don’t measure up.
Remember that each individual is created with unique talent and strength. All you need is to look within your true self to find and nurture that special gifts. Rather than comparing yourself to others and pull you down, let them inspire you to reach “your own” full potential.
This also pertains to parents who, consciously or subconsciously, compare their children to each other, their cousins or other children. The surefire way to put a wall in sibling and cousin relationships is to compare them to each other. Rather, accept and celebrate each child as unique and special individual; and help them realizing their talents and strengths.
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Hills and Valleys
It is so much easier to walk on a flat land. But those journeys full of challenges are the ones strengthen and give us the opportunity to learn, grow, and touch other people’s life.
