How to Reduce Worries With Two Questions

Worries and doubts are normal part of life; and sometimes it is needed to give us a push to do something better. For instance, worry about the upcoming final exam helps us study harder and be more prepared on the test day. Likewise, worry about a presentation gives us incentive to do more research on the topic and spend more time practicing. Being prepared beforehand most likely gives us more confidence during the actual presentation.

Excessive and persistent worry, however, can be detrimental to our health, both physically and emotionally. The constant “what ifs” and thousands of scenarios that run in our head leave us feeling agitated, anxious, and restless; interfere with our daily routine, keep us up at night, and take us away from enjoying life in the present moment.

The good news is, there is a way to reduce our worries to a manageable and healthy level by asking these two questions; and understand that there are two types of worries: positive worries and negative worries.

1. Can I do something about this worry?

If the answer is yes, then this is positive worry. Positive worries are those we can use to give us a push to do better or to stop procrastinating. As long as we act on this worry and take proper steps, we can turn it into learning opportunities; increase our productivity, or step outside our comfort zone. For example, if you worry about retirement income, take some actions and learn more about how to set aside money automatically from your paycheck into a retirement account. You can also contact a financial advisor or someone with more experience in this area to help you understand the overall process. The outcome of this kind of worry is that, when you do something about it, you learn something new, give you more confidence, all of which will empower you.

If the answer is no, then go to the next question.

2. Is this worry going to make the situation better?

When you answer no to the first question, your worry is classified as negative worry. Negative worries are usually those related to the future or something that is beyond our control. I call this kind of worries as negative because by thinking all the negatives, the “what ifs” and millions of scenarios in our head, we are slowly but surely destroying our physical and emotional health; while we can’t change the situations any better. Nothing good comes out of this kind of worry. What if my partner cheats on me? What if I get sick during my trip? I am terrified when I am alone, what if I live alone when I am old?

Breaking the negative worry cycle is not an easy task at first, but it is something we can practice until it becomes our second nature. First we need to be aware when worries start to be persistent or excessive. Asking the second question helps interrupt the chain of negative thinking, and puts us back to the present moment. It reminds us that worrying the unknown and the uncontrollable is not going to make the situation any better. We can instead practice accepting the uncertainties of the future, be thankful and enjoy the present moment, do our best and our part, one day at a time.