We all have certain desires and expectations; and they give us the motivation and energy to strive and reach our goals. In reality, however, many things in life are beyond our control. And unforeseeable circumstances can happen in a blink of an eye that can shatter our plans. What we desire and expect are not always what we get.

When we talk about the things that are beyond our control; whether it is about our “perceived” self image (that we are born with), where we come from, or unforeseen circumstances; resistance and denials often exacerbate the outcome. It creates frustration, defensiveness, resentment and other negative feeling. Without a doubt, our willingness to accept the uncontrollable have an impact on our emotional wellbeing.

The virtue of acceptance can be intricate in nature. Many misinterpret it as giving up too easily. Practicing acceptance is far from straightforward. It involves awareness, an open mind, patience, and prayers. This is how “Serenity Prayer”, written by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, has helped and guided so many people, including myself, to cultivate better clarity on acceptance during life journey.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Serenity Prayer

Self-Acceptance

There is always something we dislike about ourselves. We don’t like the image we see in the mirror; and wish we were taller, shorter, skinnier, and so on. We don’t see our own gifts but longing for those talents we see in others.

Some people have a hard time accepting who they are, the past or family status. They live in denials, disguising themselves by acting and pretending to be someone else.

Self-Acceptance is perhaps the most important first step toward self transformation, freedom and peace. When we accept both our strengths and weaknesses, without being defensive, we become more relaxed and content with ourselves. It provides a sense of clarity that, while we are blessed with our gifts, we need to work on our limitations by being open to new ideas, and take each experience as an opportunity to learn.

As a result, people who accept their strengths and weaknesses without resistance tend to have less ego. They naturally exercise other virtues like love and understanding, respect, and humility; all of which can help them do the right things and make the right choices during challenging life events.

Acceptance Of Others

The powerful outcome of self-acceptance is the ability to do the same for other people around us, especially family and friends. The trait of humility through self acceptance allows us to be more compassionate, less judgmental, and accept others’ strengths and limitations with respect.

In some instances, acceptance that involves someone else doesn’t mean that you approve what they do. It simply an act of acknowledgement of who they are; and an understanding that you cannot change others. Acceptance becomes the first step before “you” can make the next move.

You may decide to:

1. Accept the problem that hurt you and let go of that someone else (like a manipulative or abusive person), or
2. Accept how you feel, what bothers you, and learn to change “within” by practicing patience, respect, adaptability, love and understanding (usually when dealing with family members).

Parents who accept and celebrate each child as unique and special individual, for example, do not compare them with other children; they help their children realizing their strengths and support them through challenges.

Acceptance of Circumstances

While we look forward to certain changes in our life; like moving from high school to college, or getting that first job; some unforeseen changes can cause a lot of stress and turbulence. The secret to making the most out of change is that, first we must acknowledge and accept the circumstances presented before us with open arms. Once we accept, we tend to be calmer and have better clarity to approach the situations. Acceptance can free us from resistance, denials, worries and the urge to change the uncontrollable – the reason causing so many people feeling emotionally exhausted and frustrated.

Practice Acceptance

Just like many other virtues, learning acceptance is a lifelong process. With a clear understanding about acceptance and its impact on our emotional and psychological wellbeing, we react to life experience more consciously; and no longer waste our energy on resistance or denial. Most importantly, practicing this virtue opens up opportunities to exercise other virtues; such as humility, patience, respect, awareness, compassion, adaptability, love and understanding, to name a few. Acceptance is the ultimate route to self transformation, freedom, and peace.