Each one of us is wired to feel uncomfortable in a situation where we “perceive” as negative. And we tend to blame others, the past, or circumstances. We become easily annoyed and find excuses for any problems.

The longer this process repeats day after day, the more complex the problems we create within ourselves. In the end, nothing seems to go our way; everything seems wrong, and the accumulation of excuses, blames and negative feelings eventually catch up to us. We become extremely stressed out, anxious, depressed, and unhealthy.

The good news is, we are equipped with this amazing tool that is so called “feeling”. When we choose to be aware, our feeling functions like a “sensor” or cues. Notice when this sensor detects negative emotions such as anger, sadness, disappointment, or worries; and acknowledge it.

Before we let this negative feelings transition to hundreds of negative thoughts, practice asking this question: what do I have to learn from this experience? Do I need to take some actions or practice acceptance and changing from within?

To answer this question, first we need to classify if the circumstances we are facing is within or beyond our control.

I feel terrible, can I do something and change the situations?

If the answer is yes, by no means take some actions and do our best to change the things we can for the better. For example, you failed your exam because you were partying instead of studying the night before the exam; and you feel terrible about it. In this case, you learn that you have total control of the situations, need to take responsibility and work harder to be successful in anything you do.

What if I feel awful and can’t change the situations?

More often, however, you can’t really do anything about certain circumstances such as unforeseen change in life; nor others’ behavior, because they are just beyond your control.

You can’t really change a driver who cut in front of your car, nor your colleague who is always angry. Instead of letting negative emotions consume you, adjust how you react to those circumstances that are beyond your control. You may learn to be more patient, adaptable, or accepting. You may also learn why letting go is the key to a happier you.

We can learn various things in many different ways, but life experience is one of the best teacher if we allow it to be. By letting our feeling as compass to happiness, each encounter and experience is the opportunity to learn and grow to be a better version of ourselves.